Just remember that duration isn’t the most important part of the formula for avoiding premature ejaculation and having great sex. (Neither are accessories, but these 30 Best Sex Toyscan help you enjoy your time together.)
Here, Dr. Walsh and other experts break down a few of the most helpful techniques for dealing with premature ejaculation (PE).
But be warned: Dr. Walsh recommends trying these out on your own before attempting them during sex.
In general terms, this refers to the idea that you can regulate your own neurophysiology—or the way your body responds to physical sensations, Dr. Walsh explains.
While there are a lot of different types of biofeedback, he says one of the most common for avoiding premature ejaculation is to bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm before stopping all sexual or masturbatory activity until you have your excitement under control.
Also known as “edging”—one of the 5 Off-Beat Sex Trends to Try—practicing this technique can help you teach your brain and body to better control your orgasm response, adds sex therapist Emily Morse, Ph.D.
Just be sure to use a lot of lotion or lube (we like the Almost Naked Organic Lubricant from the Men’s Health store) while you practice edging to avoid chaffing yourself, she advises.
2. The Squeeze
If you can feel your orgasm coming on, stop and squeeze right below the head of your penis. Apply firm pressure with your thumb and forefinger and focus the pressure on the urethra—the tube running along the underside of the penis, advises Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First.
The squeeze technique can help you last longer in bed by pushing blood out of the penis and momentarily decreasing sexual tension, which represses the ejaculatory response, Kerner says.
“This is another type of biofeedback, similar to edging.” Dr. Walsh adds.
3. Ladies First
When you help her finish first—whether with your mouth, your fingers, or a toy—knowing she’s enjoyed an orgasm may relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling to last longer in bed, Kerner says. (Need some pointers? Check out our Beginners’ Guide To Mind-Blowing Sex.)
Like the stuff dentists slather on your gums before jamming in the needle, there are topical sprays called “local anesthetics” that you can apply to your penis to lessen the sensation and avoid premature ejaculation, Dr. Walsh says. “When used properly, you can adjust the amount of desensitization with these sprays, and it won’t transfer to your partner,” he adds.
He says some of his patients have had luck with a product called Promescent. (Dr. Walsh is in no way affiliated with the company that makes this product.)
But be warned: The lack of sensation could make it difficult for you to stay erect during sex, he says.
5. Condom Control
Most major condom manufacturers make extra-thick rubbers that act like a slip-on desensitizer for your member during sex, Morse says, and these can help you avoid premature ejaculation.
Look for marketing lingo like “extended pleasure” (from Trojan) or “performax” (Durex), which are fancy terms for this thicker style of condom.
Plenty of men pop a pill to become erect for sex. And in Europe, there are also legal drugs that can help you last longer in bed, Dr. Walsh says.
The problem: The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) hasn’t approved those drugs to treat PE in the U.S. Why?
“Even though trials show these drugs genuinely benefitted men with premature ejaculation, the FDA sets a very high bar for drugs used to treat non-life threatening conditions,” Dr. Walsh explains.
While you could take these drugs for “off-label” uses like the treatment of premature ejaculation, most of these meds are antidepressants that could lead to mood changes or other side effects—meaning they shouldn’t be used unless your performance problem is seriously affecting your life, Dr. Walsh says. He advises talking to your doctor to discuss this option.